G-Force was great, a fantastic conference. I enjoyed seeing some old friends again, and the party Tuesday night was nothing short of amazing. One of the perks of this conference is one free chance to pass a Genesys certification exam. Not wanting to squander this opportunity, I signed up for the GVP exam Thursday morning. This meant, predictably, Wednesday night I got to relive a college tradition: the night-before cram session. The cram came at sort of a bad time, though – the night before had been the deliciously decadent party; the day had been filled with speakers, manning the booth, a little networking, and working with my normal clients. In short, I was already exhausted by the time to study rolled around (more college nostalgia). After going over the material for a few hours, at 1 AM, it was time to sleep for a bit – just a few hours, but it should be enough. My roommate and dear friend Nitin had just gotten back from dinner with a friend, so it was good timing. There was only one problem, which I’ve known about for a while but had somehow managed to forget.

Nitin snores. I mean, he really snores. He sounds like a human chainsaw that’s suffering some grievous, painful malfunction. If he hadn’t continued to make so much racket, I’d have been worried for his safety.

When stories about the various coercion techniques happening at Guantanamo Bay initially came out, the loud music and whatnot, I used to think “Surely it can’t be that bad – couldn’t you just ignore it if you had to?” Man, what an idiot. That night, I tasted madness. I was laying in bed, desperate for sleep, but with every rip and snort I found myself a little further from it. It was a terrible feedback loop. The longer it went on, the more angry I became; the more angry I became, the more it affected me. Initially, the idea of throwing the chair across the room was just a funny thought. When I caught myself reevaluating it, I knew I had to do something (non-destructive). In a fit of desperate innovation, I disassembled part of my bed and made pallet for myself out on the balcony. We were on the 2nd floor; it was a fantastic view of the HVAC system, but for sleeping it was perfect. San Diego, remember – the weather was in the mid-sixties, with just a bit of a breeze, and no bugs.

In the morning I awoke, a little sore but refreshed and rested. And, I’m happy to say, I passed the test. I don’t hold anything against Nitin – I completely understand it’s his biology conspiring a bit against him – but it really makes me feel for his girlfriend. Next conference, though: EARPLUGS.

-Randy

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